I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
