I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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