I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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