I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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