my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
