We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
