just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
