I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
