i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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