im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
