i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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