Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
