There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
