kristin has been a bad kristin
I skipped work to stalk him.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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