it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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