Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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