you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
