When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
