I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
