i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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