I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
