I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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