is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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