My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im drinking this country out of the recession.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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