Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
