he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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