I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You can't motorboat a personality
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
