He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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