Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
