Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
