'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
