She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize