bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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