You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
