hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
