ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
