I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
