the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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