Where is the hickey?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
