I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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