yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I still have a little drunk in my system
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
