my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize