I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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