we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
