Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
