I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
