Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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