I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
