it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
