shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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