Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
one might say we're banned from that church
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize