new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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