You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I enjoy the company of your penis
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
