I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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