R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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