Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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