Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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