but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
