i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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