I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
