This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
