I'm eating all of the evidence.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
