Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
