ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she smelled like a LAN party
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
