Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize