How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
