i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
