I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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