I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
