nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
