why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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