she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
