guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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